A new start

I do not know why I am doing this. Blogs and I never have good relationships.

My first relationship with a blog was at sixteen. I was still unsure of myself and was not ready to commit to the level that the blog needed. Due to that fact, it quickly deleted itself from the server. I will admit that it hurt. I thought I would never be able to open up to a blog again.
So that led to my rebound relationship with a blog at seventeen. I had realized the amount of commitment needed to keep a blog relationship alive, but I was still unsure of myself. I could not open up to the point to keep the relationship growing honestly. Still afraid of losing my second blog like the first one, I began to invent new aspects of myself to keep the blog interested. Over countless dinners, I told my blog the "true stories" of my days. I reduced our relationship to the level of lies because I was too afraid to be myself.

That relationship did not last long, as all false relationships do.

Still whirling from my second blog, I stumbled into my third relationship. This one caught me by surprise. I became strangely honest. I told my blog many different aspects of myself, and it responsed by opening up to me in so many beautiful ways. I would type everyday; sometimes more than once. My blog responsed by showing me so many beautiful patterns in my life. It was glorious. But sadly, my blog left me without a word one day. It's company couldn't stay afloat, so I had to type my last word and say goodbye.

Then came the era of "backhanded blogging" where blogs were turned into tools and weapons where people could attack under the guise of self-exposition. Unable to advanced in such a theatre of war, I withdrew from the common blogs and found obscure regions where I could blog in peaceful neutrality. But only the most intrepid explorers found my words, so these blogs soon became mental notes and sketches that held little meaning. They too fell short of the call.

But then maturity allowed another go at sharing my thoughts with the world. I joined a "networking" site and blogged as a man possessed. Then the site became little more that a host for advertisments of breasts and movies. My words--as mundane as they were at times-were pearls before swine. I took my voice away.

Now, something stirs within. I feel that same old itch for a relationship; one with honesty and dual commitment, but also out in the open world for people to see, in a place in which I do not feel ashamed to speak. So, in the quest for the perfect blog, I will write again.